A two-foot wall

// August 8th, 2008 // General, Humor, Tales

“I can walk like a penguin!”

If you’re from New England, or at least Massachusetts, and you’re a child of the ’80s, you’ve likely seen the commercials for the New England Aquarium. Oh, the wonders of what you could see and do at the aquarium: dolphin shows! seals! fish! penguins!

My boss’s son works at a nearby school for troubled teens. Recently he took the “good ones” on a little field trip to the aquarium. The story of what happened next, he says, is true.

Everyone loaded into the bus for the trip. Some carried backpacks with their lunches. Others simply had paper bag lunches or some money to buy lunch. A few simply carried a cold stare with which they could use to easily scare the piss out of anyone, who would then fork over money or food for fear they’d be a shark’s next lunch.

They arrived at the aquarium and everyone was well behaved. They checked out the multitudes of fish tanks and other sea creature exhibits. They saw a show or two. And, of course, they saw the penguins.

The day was done, so everyone loaded into the bus, all miraculously dry, unscathed and present. Then, the 45-minute trip back to the school.

As each kid exited the bus, one caught the eye of my boss’s son. This kid’s backpack was somehow fuller than it was when they left earlier, and it was dripping wet. Did he pilfer something from the gift shop? Did he take an unseen swim in a tank and change into new clothes, the wet ones now in the backpack?

So, he stopped the student and asked him to open his backpack. Without a look of the least bit of concern or wrongdoing from the student, the backpack was opened. Out from the opening popped the head of a real, live penguin.

Apparently the kid saw the cute birds and, since the penguins are out in the open and behind a two-foot wall, he just stepped on over and picked one up and slipped it into his bag. He didn’t see a thing wrong with it.

What happened next, I don’t really know. I was too busy laughing my guts out. I laughed even more when I thought of the teachers having to take this penguin all the way back to the aquarium and what they’d say when they walked in with it.

“Can I help you?”
“Um … we have a penguin here.”
“I’m sorry, we don’t take donated animals.”
“You don’t understand — this is your penguin.”
“That’s what they all say. Please step out, sir, before I have to call security. Mmkay?”

I had no idea it was that easy to walk out of there with an animal. Some security person no doubt lost their job that day, most likely the one who thought a two-foot wall would deter a young mind bent on a penguin for a pet.

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